Saturday, November 7, 2009

new albums

Norah Jones' new album, The Fall, leaked today and I'm more than enthusiastic to make it a part of my daily mix.

download away.

Friday, November 6, 2009

yoga was very taxing tonight.

Approaching the twilight of my existence
I bless you life...
Because you never gave me
either deceitful hopes,
or unjust foils,
nor undeserved endurances...
Because I see,
at the end of my ruggedy trail;
that I was the architect of my own fate.
That if I extracted the bile
or the honey of things
was because I put in them
bile or zesty honey.
When I planted rose bushes
I harvested always roses.
It's true that to my exuberance
has followed the winter;
but you didn't tell me that May was going to be eternal...
I found undoubtedly,
too long the nights of my sorrows;
but you didn't promise me
only merry nights
and in exchange
I had other nights reverently serene.
I loved and I was loved.
The sun shined on my face...
Life you owe me nothing.
Life we are of Peace.

Song of the Day: Maybe- Kelly Clarkson


I want to beg of you much as I can to be patient
toward all that's unsolved in your heart,
and learn to love the questions themselves,
like locked rooms, or like books that are
written in a very foreign tongue.

Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you,
because you would not be able to live them,
and the point is to live everything.

Live the question now,
perhaps you will then, gradually, without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer.

"Letters to a Young Poet"
by Rainer Maria Rilke

Monday, November 2, 2009

Post-Grad Blues.

I applied for 89 jobs today off numerous websites. I counted.

I was screwed money out of my paycheck. I counted.

Had another temp job today. Fine.

Not able to fully pay up my rent this month, so I'm behind.

My monthly was stolen on Halloween. Great.

I broke my spare pair of glasses two weeks ago.

I probably can't visit my boyfriend this weekend in Pennsylvania, so I'll see him at the end of the month due to conflicting schedules.

And my current job hasn't given anyone a raise and our commission sucks so I'm completely, 100% unmotivated to be there.

Today is not my day. Yesterday was not my day. This is not my month. And this is not where I expected myself after graduation.


Thursday, October 29, 2009


I really admire January Jones. This is a girl who went from drinking her 6 packs and smoking way too much weed in High School to just up and moving to New York to "prove those bitches in High School wrong" and modeling.

The minute I'm told I can't do something, I aim to prove them wrong. She has the same mentality. You say no, I say go. Maybe then I, too, will tail-gate my way to Emmy gold as well.


Monday, October 12, 2009


I've been taking the past two weeks to figure out myself financially and I've had a bit too much stress and distraction.

I'll be taking back to my blog as soon as this week...and taking more personal time for myself.


Sunday, September 27, 2009

Slow Down.

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." - Eddie Cantor.

Close your eyes and think about the most recent thing that's been really working in your life. You're spirits are lifted, you bop to your Ipod a little more than usual and your breathing is less weighted. Do you second guess why you've gotten what you've deserved? Is your mind going in circles asking "Why me?" or "Good things all come to an end"? All of us have. Think of your mind as a room (or house...full of rooms, that's my case at least). Inside of this room contains all of our common ideas about what life has to offer. The one door in this room is slightly left ajar, outside of it there's a blinding light. Dreamy, right? None of that florescent stuff (it makes your skin look a squillion times worse than it really is). This light contains all of our idealistic approaches to life and all of that good, juicy, meaty creativity that we find too "far out" for us. When you think of a new idea, or a new approach to a role, you're first thought is: Will this work? A lot of what I've been taught is to leave your judgments at the door and roll with the punches. If your idea doesn't work, at least you tried something new. If you don't have the guts to try out what's in your gut, then you're not the artist you give yourself credit for. I find that when I follow my instincts (in art, in life) I tend to make better decisions. Going out on a limb is okay, but how soon we forget; after all, saying something is a lot different than actually taking initiative to act upon it.
This week I've given myself the opportunity to open up my mind a little more. Now, I'm a very open-minded and opinionated person, but with that I tend to drift into my own hole of longing and pessimism. Naturally, when I open up to someone about my insecurities, I have compliments (fulfilling or empty) tossed into my deep basket of dirty laundry. My insecurities come from a lot of aimless thinking, as I've previously mentioned. The more attentive you are the more you can connect with others and survive. Cameron delivers a story of her personal suffering and how her grandmother's life, although it had it's ups and downs, was all focused on the small miracles that the divine had brought her. "Survival lies in sanity, and sanity lies in paying attention." You know how in class there were those who sat attentively in the front row or consistently answered questions and brought debate to group discussions? I wasn't always this person. I was the social butterfly, class-clown, making snarky side commentary and trying to get people to laugh and look past the discussion. I wonder if I had always been more studious, if my life would feel more whole. We also learn through loss. Losing my grandmother couldn't have been more devastating to my family, but it did bring us closer and realize the small joys that life does bring. For the pain we suffered, brings on the healing process--which is enriched in emotion and experience. We live on to tell the tale of our suffering. I know I have, in numerous instances, told many stories where I try to pass on my experience to friends; if they make the same mistakes, I can't say I didn't warn them. Attention "is an act of connection," and each moment of connection we make with a person, an environment, an animal, anything really, was not without it's own beauty.
I know this post was a little delayed, but I was in fact side-tracked. Surprisingly, my boyfriend is one of my biggest supporters but I did get a little lost in the idea that he was back here for a given period of time. My tasks have not been disregarded though (I had most of this blog written in a date we both held in Barnes and Noble, Union Square, to get some work done). Tonight, or tomorrow, I will be posting my week of tasks and moving on to the next chapter. I haven't been auditioning as much as I would like to, but right now that's ok due to a little self-discovery. Tomorrow I'm going to go in, again, for the non-union tour of Cabaret and hopefully pass on to the next round of callbacks. Next week will be Grease and Legally Blonde, on top of work and so forth. Currently having minor struggles (emotionally) about finances and career options, but ultimately...I'm still breathing and still have my health. Do you think that thinking that keeps us afloat or just pushes aside life's real problems? I'm not sure if I know the answer either.

Download: I Get Around - Dragonette.